your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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