I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
