i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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