and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
