I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
