just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
