I wish I could punch you in the face.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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