So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
