Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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