I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I need moral support for this bender
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
