I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
