Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'd cum for enchiladas.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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