i think my tv is drunk
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
