Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
