when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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