got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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