I cockslap morals
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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