shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
