Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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