I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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