Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
