Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
