There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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