I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
