I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
