If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
