His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
