Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
