I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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