i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
