I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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