whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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