Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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