can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
