Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
