Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
sarcasm needs its own font
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
