she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
