I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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