Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
