it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
