You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
