I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
