why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
