She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
