what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
