So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
