you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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