I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
