Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
