"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
